orange art

you have probably been admiring my recent orange art work. each work is meant to satirically depict an orange. the piece featured currently is an overweight adolescent orange excited about candybars. it's meant to expose the irony behind oranges as healthy food eating unhealthy candybars. dig.

evidently nothing will get done

as serious as i am at times about scholastic endeavors i am still capable of slacking tremendously. it's comforting in a way. procrastination was the name of the game in college and i was the referee. since beginning seminary i have placed far too much self-worth in grades, even to the point of borderline obsession. so, it's comforting to finally lack motivation. i am currently sitting in my new coffee digs, eurotazza. it's everything a coffee shop aficionado could request; good coffee, free wi-fi, interesting music, nice atmosphere, friendly people, and adequate lighting. i brought all the material i have so far accumulated for my research paper and nothing else but this here laptop. thank goodness i remembered the laptop. i didn't bring any leisure reading because i was planning to be serious, no non-sense. now that i'm here i wish i had brought my book. it's really, really good. at least i have diversion in the laptop and free wi-fi.

is anyone else incapable of surfing the web? i can't do it. after checking my email, friend's blogs, and then facebook, i just stare at the screen thinking of the five other sites i know, and debate over whether or not i should check on them. the problem is that everything else i'm interested in involves spending money or traveling. you can probably relate. since i have no money and thus am incapable of traveling or purchasing frivolously, staring at those things would really only end in discontentment. so i'm at a loss.

it's spring break. by default everything is reset to great because spring break it is and living it up i am. there lies the catalyst to de-motivation, or maybe it's the de-catalyst to motivation. dr. taylor actually expects me to spend my spring break in the library with my nose in old creaky books? believe me, i will dive into any old, creaky book outside of vacation with the greatest of enthusiasm any nerd could muster for obscure theologians, but far be it from me to sacrifice this much needed chill time for one paper.

i was in barnes and noble the other day and for the first time ever ventured into the journal section. it occured to me that i've never had to purchase a journal of my own, they've always been given to me as gifts. my friends must feel very strongly about journaling. there were a couple of really cool journals. the most coolest of the coolest was a 100% hemp journal. it was so earthy and like, bio-degradable. eco-friendly journaling seemed to me, on the surface, to be a great idea. i mean, how uber-trend would that be? journaling and being environmentally conscious simultaneously. how about journaling about being environmentally conscious in your hemp, environmentally friendly journal, on the side of a mountain!? i think i would spontaneously combust into all natural, additive-free, carbon ash. but seriously, wouldn't you want your journal to be as impervious to degradation as possible? shouldn't it be made out of plastic or some other fully artificial material? let's say you leave it outside under your favorite tree for a few days; if it's made of semi-bio-degradable paper it could easily be destroyed by the environment and there go all your cherished thoughts and dreams. how much more so with a 100% bio-degradable journal? you can't let the environment take your dreams. that's why they should be made of styrofoam or some other environmentally indestructable substance, like aerosol.

wrecked

i have been a wreck lately. am i allowed to blog about that kind of thing; that i've been a wreck lately?

for the life of me i have no idea what has been going on. i have never been so focused and yet absolutely broken down. i feel like i've been hammered from all sides though i still stand sustained. i am not enduring a dire circumstantial difficulty and i am not up against any real hardship, i simply think God has been taking me through some intense stuff over the last few weeks. what exactly he has been teaching me i do not know. i do feel that through all this i can say with confidence that my faith is my own and that my convictions are also distinctively mine. no one has convinced me through ethical or emotional appeals of what needs doing. God brought me to these realizations in His way.

i think i will plant churches. i am motivated by the undeniable misguidance and misplaced priorities in the average american church. am i saying i won't travel abroad for long-term missions? maybe.

i believe i have very legitimate reasons for staying here for the gospel. so far i've counted 260 million of them.

who knows what the next two years will bring, but at the moment i am led to plant churches in the US.

don't worry, i'll leave the bible belt. did you know that seattle is considered an unreached people group by the north american mission board?

can you swallow that?

i know i can't.

i can not.

america is not friendly towards the truth.

will i be persecuted physically working in america? maybe...probably not. does that mean a life of ministry in the US will be just peachy? i'm not convinced.

i am wrecked by these things. they have been a great inspiration.

thanks for listening, friends.

home on the mountain range

ah mountains. mountains mountains mountains mountains. my friends i am a mountain man by nature. my spirit connects with mountains. not beach so much, unless mountains are nearbythen maybe the mountains would be magnified by the beach.

i've only been one place where mountains and beaches are within a few miles of eachother...santa barbara, CA. home. i knew it should be home as soon as we pulled in on the 1 at sunrise. too bad the yuppies got a hold of it and drove the prices up.

my point is; please stop. i am asking you to please, stop mentioning mountains, and rivers, and deer, and elk, and trees, and canyons, and snow, and sunsets, and antelope, and hiking, and bighorn sheep. i have never been so conscious of how far these things are from me. mind you, a river does run through fort worth and the sun does set here, however, in experience they are hardly comparable to real rivers and sunsets. so please do not speak of these things.

i am afraid of watching the movie "into the wild." i saw the trailer for it and that was enough. i'd probably forsake everything i'm doing here for fresh mountain air and aspen trees.

then again, perhaps for that reason i should watch the movie.

in an odd way i feel better when i think fort worth as my egypt and school as my bondage. though i believe i will look back on it as a sweet time.

i just wish it had a beautiful setting complete with virtually untouched wilderness and marmots.

have you ever heard a marmot? the noise they make is freakish. if they don't know you're around they'll call to each other. about every 30 seconds one will emit a single, extremely high-pitched beeping/squeaking sound like sonar to the max. it's most impressive around alpine lakes when the sound echoes and off of the surrounding rock faces.

some serious mountain-dwelling-time will soon be necessary if i'm gonna maintain mental homeostasis.

if anyone wants to camp and hike south colony lakes (THE most beautiful place i've ever been) this summer hit me up.

decisions

i'm about to be very honest with those of you who read this blog. you will read thoughts that i have not fully voiced to any one, or even mentioned to most everyone. don't worry, it's not too controversial outside of my own mind, but it's something i'm taking seriously. i'll probably get defensive against my own arguments...because i'm weird. this disclaimer being given, i'll plunge right in.

i am seriously considering moving back to college station for the remainder of my seminary education.

i would join living hope again, get plugged back in and live life alongside the people there. most of my closest friends are still in cs, and when i visit, the church body still feels like family. i learned a great deal from the people there the first go-round; things that i hold as fundamental to a solid church founded on the right principles. looking at the discipleship potential alone i get excited! The depth and number of incredible men there is just unfair!! and the opportunity to serve is huge! so admittedly, there are some selfish motives...if you can call a desire for discipleship, and incredible fellowship, and service opportunities, selfish.

so what would i do for school? well, that's how this all came about. both my good friend chad and my sister have spoken to men in leadership about my time in fort worth (which has not been terrible by the way,) and each time they asked if i would consider moving back and commuting to the houston campus with them once a week.

why the houston campus is a good idea:

the faculty is top-notch in houston just as it is in fort worth

i would be granted a few more degrees separation between seminary life and real life
the atmosphere at the houston campus is reported to be less...weird
i could get involved in a place that i know will teach me practical skills in ministry while doing school
do i already sound convinced??

ok, so the things that are holding me back:
the grass is always greener on the other side
am i running from something?
am i really being selfish by looking out for what is best for me?

for some reason i'm afraid of being accused of "church shopping." you know, looking for those things that matter most to me, and moving from church to church until i find them. i suppose i am a bit, but what i'm looking for is much deeper than the average church shopper. and i'm in a period of learning, soaking up knowledge any way i can until i break out on my own into the world, right? (and don't you dare accuse me of only caring about head knowledge, this whole thing is revolving around the heart. besides, head knowledge is truly important to christians and i'm appalled by people who don't think so.)

I think i'm running not so much from something but to something. i can stick it out here and do alright. heck, i could do well, but i just can't shake the idea of taking advantage of the resources in cs while i am able. once done with seminary i will be off and running who knows where. shouldn't i have as solid a foundation as possible??

and i'm pretty sure the grass may actually BE greener on the other side, since i've been there.

any insight would be much appreciated; prayer even more so.