decisions

i'm about to be very honest with those of you who read this blog. you will read thoughts that i have not fully voiced to any one, or even mentioned to most everyone. don't worry, it's not too controversial outside of my own mind, but it's something i'm taking seriously. i'll probably get defensive against my own arguments...because i'm weird. this disclaimer being given, i'll plunge right in.

i am seriously considering moving back to college station for the remainder of my seminary education.

i would join living hope again, get plugged back in and live life alongside the people there. most of my closest friends are still in cs, and when i visit, the church body still feels like family. i learned a great deal from the people there the first go-round; things that i hold as fundamental to a solid church founded on the right principles. looking at the discipleship potential alone i get excited! The depth and number of incredible men there is just unfair!! and the opportunity to serve is huge! so admittedly, there are some selfish motives...if you can call a desire for discipleship, and incredible fellowship, and service opportunities, selfish.

so what would i do for school? well, that's how this all came about. both my good friend chad and my sister have spoken to men in leadership about my time in fort worth (which has not been terrible by the way,) and each time they asked if i would consider moving back and commuting to the houston campus with them once a week.

why the houston campus is a good idea:

the faculty is top-notch in houston just as it is in fort worth

i would be granted a few more degrees separation between seminary life and real life
the atmosphere at the houston campus is reported to be less...weird
i could get involved in a place that i know will teach me practical skills in ministry while doing school
do i already sound convinced??

ok, so the things that are holding me back:
the grass is always greener on the other side
am i running from something?
am i really being selfish by looking out for what is best for me?

for some reason i'm afraid of being accused of "church shopping." you know, looking for those things that matter most to me, and moving from church to church until i find them. i suppose i am a bit, but what i'm looking for is much deeper than the average church shopper. and i'm in a period of learning, soaking up knowledge any way i can until i break out on my own into the world, right? (and don't you dare accuse me of only caring about head knowledge, this whole thing is revolving around the heart. besides, head knowledge is truly important to christians and i'm appalled by people who don't think so.)

I think i'm running not so much from something but to something. i can stick it out here and do alright. heck, i could do well, but i just can't shake the idea of taking advantage of the resources in cs while i am able. once done with seminary i will be off and running who knows where. shouldn't i have as solid a foundation as possible??

and i'm pretty sure the grass may actually BE greener on the other side, since i've been there.

any insight would be much appreciated; prayer even more so.