holiness

i have found it impossible to comprehend the process employed by the Lord in bringing about a change of heart. it is especially impossible in the midst of the process to understand it. i suppose there are several steps within each greater step, though i don't suppose to fully grasp each little step or even to be aware of each little step. there is one little step however, that i am aware of and have better acquaintance with than any other. it's the step of stripping away. i say it's a step because i believe it's part of the process of change. and the primary object of the change of which i'm speaking is the heart; given by God, shaped by God, in fact God's very heart.

i say i'm familiar with it because it seems to have occured pretty frequently in my own life lately. i feel like i've been continually stripped of things this year, both things that i thought were good (and in fact are in several senses) and things that i know are bad. seminary has been the most difficult and most rewarding experience of my life to this point. i have fought it. i have fought the Lord most steps along the way. i've come to realize that being stripped from the inside by the Lord is probably much easier when i just let it happen. though most of the time i don't, and it probably hurts worse for that reason.

it's all for the sake of holiness. holiness is a concept no doubt foreign in its truest sense to most christians. i say that not condescendingly as if i have it figured out, because i know i do not. i say it sadly. i've caught merely a glimpse of it though even from this glimpse i realize that i do not observe it in most of my brothers and sisters. but who am i to observe from the outside? "you will know the tree by its fruits," but the fruits of another tree are not mine to judge. only my own fruits are mine to judge, and from them i know that i haven't done a good job pursuing holiness. the very thing i fight is the same thing i recognize as being the best. holiness is steep, holiness is radical, and part of the process of holiness is letting God strip of you of anything hindering you from closeness to Him. at least that's what i think a part of its process is.

holiness scares me, which is why i fight it. and by fighting i force myself into taking the long way to the Father. i think i'm gonna just run for Him. so without apology, i will be allowing what will probably be viewed as drastic and unnecessary changes for the sake of holiness. i know that i won't be as close to God without it. i pray that i can run with abandon.

joe and i have recognized some needs here at the seminary. to be frank, there are a lot of needs here. this place is...hard. hardened. pray for us as we pursure holiness and work for the needs of those here.